Dear Diary

[28] Where’s Waldo?

It’s like a game of finding Waldo.
Where are my babes? Do you see them?
Seems as if their first lesson has stuck.
Personal space has been acquired.
And, it’s a very quiet evening once again.
No naming ceremony again.
The worst thing you can ever do is wake a crab.
Because they’ll wake up very crabby.
😆 🙄 🤓

[27] Life’s getting buuuusy!

Wholly guacamole, life is getting even busier than when I was just doing work-work and working a show. Not sure how that happened. Note: I just wrote a huge entry on my JM website.

Song of the day: Billie Eilish ~ Bad Guy (mostly only for the chorus part)

So busy: we’re talking not only my whole cleaning thing I’ve got going on, but new projects for my writers group, new writing projects for myself, new selling projects for myself, my Jewish reading then at work-work boat shows galore and throwing myself into the event planning world….meeting and emails after meetings and emails… I am going to implode. But I will just throw on my Super Girl crown like I always do and get it done, right?

I am having one of those very ugly girl moments. I think it’s just because of the industry I’ve worked for so many years. Like, I want to feel pretty, beautiful might be pushing it, but just pretty…. Not unpretty. Like how I feel right now. And not just “one of the guys” – oy. I need to throw my glitter on and then I’ll feel sparkly. I guess everyone has those ugly-hideous days every so often, aye?

I got home kind of late last night and the kids were already in bed. I don’t think I’m going to get used to hermit crabs going to bed around 9pm. So weird. Unless they played all day or something. I woke them up this morning, and I’m like, “So you’re not going to get up and say good morning?” and they all gave me sleepy/dirty looks. Guess I need to work on them. I wonder what their equivalent to coffee would be? ha.

Gotta get back at it. Until next time…

Always, Karen Maeby (Ahava)

[26] New babes!

I did one million things this weekend to do with cleaning. I will share that eventually. I am way too tired to write. At least I’m really truly getting somewhere. The most exciting news of them all? I adopted 3 new babes. I really love hermit crabs so much. I need Jewish-ish names for the 3. It probably surprises everyone I haven’t picked out names when I announced on Facebook…but this time, it was like, I have to clean out the tank anyway….time for more crabs! And off I went to John’s Pass. (Havali is my oldest I’ve had since Hanukkah.)

Havali is the one on the bottom. The white shell in back and two green ones on top of H are my new babes.
Book madness… book hoarder…
Not pictured: books were actually organized

So tired. G’night. Always; Ahava

[25] Ballet music is amazing.

I’ve been super duper lame coming up with titles lately. I’m listening to ballet pop music again…still see the dancing in my head…and these words are dancing too! I can’t wait until I can get started with ballet, but not until September or October. Have a few things to finish up first… and I don’t know how this event planning and my Jewish classes / events will coincide with lessons. You’ll never hear me say this again, but… it’s been pleasant not having to go to rehearsal every night. Even though our theatre is on a month long vacay, I don’t think I’m going to even attempt to commit to anything the rest of 2019. I’m enjoying the heck out of having time to do anything and everything I’ve missed out on….plus all the Jewish holidays are coming up, and those are more important to me than anything right now.

I have a positivity journal now. Where I write down ways to become and stay successful in life along with positive quotes and anything goal/dream oriented. Oy. I am crazy. I literally have a notebook for every different subject. Now I’m making a binder for almost everything. Now I need to find a small journal and write in there what I desire – like a dream board sort of thing. I’m becoming so focused here.

I’m seriously so ready for fall, I’m so ready for our new year. I keep wanting to take a picture of a pumpkin spice frappuccino or latte and hashtag whitegirlstatus so bad! Ha. I also kept thinking about New York, snow, ice-skating and seeing colorful lights absolutely every where. Only once do I want to ride in a carriage in the middle of the city while it is snowing and looking at lights during the holidays. One day I will have that. Just not now. Because it’s making me very cold just thinking about the snow. Brrrr.

These almost midnight thoughts have me pondering why I even exist on the planet. Like, what’s my purpose? Will I ever find out? Am I becoming who I am supposed to be, finally? What do I have left to do before… destiny? How many years left do I have to do what I need and want to do? All the questions. And more.

Heading out of here to make it one goal-oriented weekend.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

EDIT: After writing this last night for today, I wake up with an email asking for me to SM the show that has rehearsals during the holidays. We plan, G-d laughs. What do you think my answer is going to be?

[23] Oy.

No good mornings start out when the rain just continues all throughout the night making electricity of pain run through your body and keeping you up. That was my night. My morning was waking up to a very flat tire. Had to hit a shop, where they plugged up a hole from a nail. At least it wasn’t very much and thank goodness that’s all it was. No biggie there. I still haven’t had my coffee yet. I’m going to have to change the way I do my mornings, that way, I have coffee before the shit-hit-eth-the-fan-eth.

I revived last night and wrote my first poem back. The picture is of my desk area with my computer, where I write, drink coffee, light some candles to say I write by candlelight.

I also have so many likes on a tweet respondant to “what do you like the most about being Jewish” … I’m feeling the love.

It’s LOVE day… but starting tonight.

Need to run to meeting half way across the world. Bye. I also pray to G-d for a safe travel to and from, a good meeting, and no rain so that I can do the Brews & Jews “LOVE” talk thing tonight over Torah and drink.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

[22] Tomorrow at sunset begins a holiday.

Tomorrow is Tu B’Av–the Jewish Valentine’s Day, the day of Love. I saw a post from my Rabbi about Jews & Brews and they’ll be discussing Tu B’Av, so it definitely sounds like something Miss Ahava needs to attend. This’ll be my first J&B. (I think I would much rather celebrate Tu B’Av instead of regular Valentine’s Day. Give me all the love you can give me on my holiday, instead of the one where retail forces you to do so.)

I’m feeling a lot less grumpy today. Good. No one spat in my Cheerios. Not that I eat Cheerios or anything. But I did have my coffee. No one is allowed to speak to me if I don’t have my coffee.. and I didn’t have any yesterday. But people still spoke to me. You can imagine the outcome of that. My body still hurts because there is some kind of insane pressure from the whirlwind of storms around here. Oy to the vey. Not in a good melody, either.

I guess tonight (since I kind of have an empty evening) I should sit down and make lists and truly plan out the rest of August. I’m pretty happy about what I’ve gotten done, but I still have plenty more to do. Next month begins taking some plans to the next level, and by December I should be in full force with some of these… making my way towards a little bit better life outcome.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

[21] Fun stuff and surprises.

So, first of all, I am sooooo soooo sooo happy to announce that I uploaded the more important pieces out of my book Dear Anne Frank and put it on my JewishMaeby website. It’s marketing prep because I am going to start working on “Becoming Ahava” (my journey) starting next month in our new year so that I can have it published around Hanukkah. I think it is the time to do so. I have enough material–just need to draft out the outline, find all of those pieces or write them, and then edit the shhhhh out of it…and design the book cover, marketing material and get going with this.

In other words, I’ve been quietly reorganizing JM. I’ve renamed categories and added tags to every single entry (which was a lot!). Now, I have definitely learned my lesson and I will not leave off categories or tags for the entries as I write them. One less problem. As I grow my blog, upload my art for sale, and marketing for my book… JM will change into more of a real website with banners and such. Don’t have time to do that right now. One thing at a time.

Onto other things… I’ve just been in just such an annoyed and grumpy mood the last two days. But last night the Elvis thing cheered me up, and when I left work today, I went by the post office and got my ipsy products (this marvelous purple eye shadow–to die for–and this amazing green fingernail polish… both things that match half of my clothes, ha), letter from one of my pen pals, Jewish Seattle magazine… and guess what I got in? THE JEWISH PLANNER. I will probably post on Friday on Instagram. (So needless to say–due to all my surprises in my mailbox–my day got a little bit better again.)

Tonight started our first class of The Observant Life at CBI. We only meet once a month. I saw the book in person (we didn’t exactly need it today), but it is nearly 1000 pages, and no joke… measured out at like 6 inches or more…! I am just going to download it via Kindle and read it that way….which means, I need to find my iPad so I can read it off there and not my phone…. No way do I want to carry around a book that weights 150 lbs. Yes, see my exaggeration? BUT IT IS SO HUGE. (thatswhatshesaid)

In the class, my intro to J friend randomly asked, “Oh, what color is your hair?” (LOL) Then, another lady remarked, “Wow, I love how your shirt matches your sneakers which matches your hair… wow!” Hahaha. I sometimes really don’t purposely do that. It just happens when you own a tooooon of pink and purple things. Really.

I’ve been so lame I haven’t worn glitter since my birthday. Something happened where I got something in my eye those couple of weeks I wore it non stop to my shows, and it bothered me so bad, so I’ve backed off. And tonight, I realized I guess I can’t wear fake earrings anymore because my holes itched like crazy. I guess I’m allergic. I just need a pair of very small diamond earrings where I can keep them in and not have to worry about itchy holes. And I know exactly how that just sounded, and no, I’m not going to delete it. Maybe you’ll laugh, maybe not, but feel my pain…. being allergic to the cute things, but hey, it’s only the fake and not cute real. Cute real is much better.

Okay, I’m just rambling. It’s time to go to sleep. Until tomorrow… it’s another day, and I’m sure I’ll have more to say.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

[20] Music.

I heard this song by Pink a couple days ago and had to listen to it again. I love, love, love this song by her. Andddd I looooove the fact that it was written for Alice in Wonderland which is my most favorite ever. The lyrics:

I know that I’m running out of time
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)
And I’m wishing they’d stop tryna turn me off
I want it all, mmm, mmm
And I’m walking on a wire, trying to go higher
Feels like I’m surrounded by clowns and liars
Even when I get it all the way
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)
We can get ’em running, running, running
Just like fire, burning out the way
If I can light the world up for just one day
Watch this madness, colorful charade
No one can be just like me any way
Just like magic, I’ll be flying free
I’mma disappear when they come for me
I kick that ceiling, what you gonna say?
No one can be just like me any way
Just like fire, uh
And people like to laugh at you cause they are all the same, mmm
See I would rather we just go our different way than play the game, mmm
And no matter the weather, we can do it better
You and me together forever and ever
We don’t have to worry about a thing about a thing, no
We can get ’em running, running, running

I love the way the chorus comes in “I want it all” and boy do I know about the “I know I’m running out of time” …

As I was playing catch up reading through my Jewish emails again (I posted something over on my JewishMaeby website). I came across this quote: “Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.” – Arnold H. Glasow. That’s practically what I’ve been saying…. and that’s what reminded me of the song above.

I found some amazing ballet tunes to pop songs yesterday. I turned the music up loud in my car and it was just soothing to drive and listen to piano! I could even physically see what dance moves are appropriate for each beat of the song. Thank goodness for my obsession with music in middle and high school: 2 years of constant study of music classes, 4 years of choir and competitions (and always winning distinguished ratings), thank goodness for my 6 years of teaching myself piano and about composers and music theory… and 2 classes of music in college. Yeah, I was first a music girl then English girl then theatre girl. Then everything else followed.

I did a quick search online yesterday and found a cassette that I had been obsessed with during elementary school. So badly that the cassette just committed suicide one day. “Rock and Roll Fever Volume II”. I won’t list my favorite songs on here, but man, if you listen to the lyrics some of them are just so inappropriate as far the language to women. No wonder all that “me too” b/s happened back then to be covered up. Something psychotic written in those lyrics. NOT AT ALL saying that my generation has any better of music. I’m just saying a few of the lyrics from oldies can be considered a bit shady. If you truly pay attention to what they’re saying between the lines… plus, it’s all about guys. Where’s the homegirls?

I’m thinking of ideas for yet another book. Short stories. I need to slow down with my ideas. My brain is getting so full, need to dump a lot of thoughts out, before it explodes. I really would hate to be that person that has to clean up my mess and try to make sense of all of my notes whenever something happens to me.

I guess it seems I’m just going to have to block out the rest of my month with my scheduled meetings then schedule certain projects for completion on certain days. August will be over before I know it, and I want to have accomplished a lot of my goals.

Anyway. Time to run.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

[19] I was thinking last night about Elvis.

Last night was totes a meant-to-be sort of thing. I was already in a mood–and still sort of in that mood today–as I went to the writers group meeting. Well, one of the members brought a book that had things like the I Love Lucy Vitameatavegamin episode in it, The Brady Bunch, things about several other shows and events that changed the world, a few Elvis pictures and then we talked about Princess Diana. There was this lady in the corner that dropped by us to say that she heard us talk about Princess Diana then Elvis’ daughter. It just so happened to be someone that knows a lot about Elvis, met him, met a lot of his friends/family, etc. She sat down with us and told us stories and showed us pictures that’s never been seen by anyone else. How freaking cool is that? Needless to say, I was definitely tearing up when she was telling the stories–and being told with such joy. I’m sitting there like, “Is this even real anymore? Is this real life?” PINCH ME! I want more of those moments -meant to be, being at the right place – right time, connecting with people who have stories.

Our time was up in those 2 hours and all we did was talk Elvis. I ended up staying another hour just to swap stories with her. We connected really well, she connected with our group really well, too. I don’t know how I end up in these really cool situations…. but last night was wonderful. So I shared with her what I said about a month ago about wanting to run away to Vegas just so I can see Elvis on every corner. And this one tops the cake: I told her how earlier that day I had thought about the Elvis play I’m writing and how I was thinking about how I should write it and that I needed to write on it….Then she’s like, “Today’s your sign.” Everything really does happen for a reason. And, there might be a slight chance that if I do go to Vegas, then maybe possibly I might get to meet some of these characters in his life that she was telling us all about. I just hope I get to meet the right Elvis impersonator… just so I can sing a duet with him. That would be groovy.

So, anyway, we exchanged information and hopefully she’ll be back next week to our group….and hopefully I’ll have my Elvis play done by then.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

I was thinking that night about Elvis
Day that he died, day that he died
I was thinking that night about Elvis
Day that he died, day that he died
Just a country boy that combed his hair
And put on a shirt his mother made and went on the air
And he shook it like a chorus girl
And he shook it like a Harlem queen
He shook it like a midnight rambler, baby
Like you never seen
” ~ Elvis Presley Blues